Poetry: Tainted Image in the Mirror [Trigger Warning: Self-Harm]


I stare out the window in front of me
Seeing my own distorted image staring back at me
And I wish desperately that it was a lie
That the image I see is just my mind playing tricks on me
Though deep down I start to accept it as the truth

My eyes are finally being opened to the truth
For you see the image staring back at me
Their eyes are bloodshot and puffy
While cuts seem to cover the rest of my once pale flesh
For every time the knife dug into my skin
I was relieved from the pain for a short while
Though I never realized that what I doing was wrong
That every time the knife claimed my smooth skin
Another piece of my soul was devoured in darkness
Until that’s all I thought about

I never thought like I was ever good enough
And after thinking that for so long the pain overwhelmed me
The only outlet I had was to cut and so I did
Until I became obsessed with it
Though after my body had been given so many scars
It made me feel even worse so I cut even more

As my hand touches my cheek I can still remember why
Why it had all started because I allowed what others thought
To affect me, I figured that what they were saying was true
If it wasn’t why else would they relentlessly remind me of it?
Maybe they figured that if they said it enough
I’d start to believe it myself, well they were right

I punch the glass window in front of me in anger
Shards of glass seem to rain down upon me
Though the strange thing is I don’t feel any pain
I only feel relieved that those that thought I wasn’t good enough
I now realize were wrong

Though is it too late to change how I feel about myself
Does it even matter anymore what I think of it all
I stopped caring a long time ago when it all started
I look down at the shards of glass surrounding me
It would be so easy to end it all now
It’s not like anyone would care or miss me
They’d probably be happy to know that I’m gone
They won’t have to put up with me anymore

And suddenly I feel a tear come down my cheek
It feels so strange since I had tried so hard to stop crying
So why now, why after all this am I saddened
Maybe I wish that I never gave in to what others thought
I now realize that what I think of myself is all that matters

Though I just hope that it’s not too late
To change the image that stares back at me
Back to what I used to be before I let the darkness consume me
And taint the image that seems to stare back at me

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About Lauren W. 15 Articles
Hello, my name is Lauren. I try to be a pretty optimistic person and believe that a person should be viewed by their actions and how they treat others instead of their appearance or interests. I try to follow this belief because being blind/visually impaired makes it easy to be depressed, or focus on negative thoughts thinking I can’t do something. I never really considered myself as a “nerd” but have always been passionate about video games and musicals. Cartoons/ anime, and comics I also like. Music, writing, and coffee keeps me going so there’s a hint as to how to bribe me. I love a wide range of genres of music but mostly show tunes, top 40, rock, and pop are what I listen to the most. I have a high respect for those that can make their own cosplay costumes, and I love dressing up and attending conventions.

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