Did you know there’s a dating app that requires women to message men first? It’s called Bumble, and it’s a very interesting experience!
Some background on me: I am a 30 year old male and have tried several avenues of online dating, with no success. No matter what website I use, none of the people on it are a good match, I’m way too picky, or some combination of these two factors.
I’m looking for someone with whom I share at least a few interests, someone who I match with in terms of faith, someone who believes in gender equality, and someone with whom I won’t get stuck watching sports (I find them boring).
Very few women match with me on all those points, so I figured that since Bumble is known as a “Feminist dating app,” that might at lest ensure we match on one of those points.
Women or Girls?
The first thing I noticed, however, is that a lot of the women on the site describe themselves as “girls,” and even on the matches page of the app it states, “On this app, girls make the first move…” This was somewhat disappointing, as adults being referred to by a term meant for a child seems a bit out of place.
Bumble is extremely similar to Tinder in that users must swipe left or right to indicate whether they would be interested in another user, and only when both users swipe right can the conversation begin.
Unlike Tinder, Bumble tries to get women to send a first message by giving them a limited time to do so before the match disappears. There’s a rather intimidating countdown clock accompanied by the words “she only has 24 hours to chat before this match disappears forever.” No pressure, ladies!
Bumble: Too Much Effort?
Here’s the major problem I have with the app: it takes a ton of time and effort to find a match. The reason for this is that like any dating app/site, people stop using it. On OkCupid for example, one can search for people who have been online within a certain amount of time, eliminating old profiles.
Another factor that exacerbates this problem is that I live within 30 miles of NYC, meaning there are a lot more users than an average location. It actually takes hours of swiping just to get one woman who will match up with me, and then there’s the problem of whether she will send a message or not (a lot of women flake on this, which is understandable; I don’t message everyone I match with on other sites either).
Does Bumble’s She-Messages-First System Eliminate Other Issues?
So a lot of work is required to make this app work, especially if you live near a huge city like I do. Finally I was able to get a few messages, but all of them basically consisted of “what’s up?” and “how’s it going?,” which really don’t have the potential to lead to any sort of conversation. Interestingly, several of my female friends complain about getting these types of messages on dating sites and apps.
A lot of the online dating advice I look at tells me not to get frustrated if a woman doesn’t reply to my message. Maybe she wasn’t interested in the content of my message, or had other things to do; it’s not something to get upset about.
Interestingly enough, some women’s profiles on Bumble express frustration at men not returning their messages. This leads to my first conclusion that I came to based on my experience on this app; that when roles are reversed, in spite of our experiences from the other side; men and women make almost the same mistakes. Both send boring first messages that don’t have a good chance of leading to an actual conversation, and both have a problem with getting upset or frustrated when people don’t reply to their messages.
So after about two months on Bumble I still haven’t gotten a date. I don’t feel like it is a total failure though. Stepping out of my comfort zone and waiting to be messaged was an interesting experience that men don’t usually have when it comes to dating, and I feel that it was useful to me to be able to see how dating works from the other side.
In spite of my failures with the app, I do recommend trying it if you are single, just to give yourself a chance to see how it feels to either send the first message, or to have to sit and wait for someone you feel attraction to to send you a message.
You’ll learn a lot about yourself and maybe it will even work out for you where it failed for me. As for myself; I think I’ll give speed dating a try next!
Have you tried Bumble yet? Let us know about your experience in the comments.